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All posts for the month May, 2014

Motherly Musings

Published May 11, 2014 by Healthy Living with nature

WANTED: A Mum!

JOB DESCRIPTION

Long term team Player needed for challenging  permanent work in an often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organisational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.some travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sport tournaments. travel expenses not reimbursed.


RESPONSIBILITIES

Provide on site training in basic living skills – such as nose blowing.

Needs strong skills in negotiation, conflict resolution and crisis management

Needs to think out of the box, but not lose sight of the box because it might be needed for a school project.

Must be proficient in managing a budget and resources fairly to save hearing for the rest of your life: ” He got more than me!”

 

Must be able to drive safely under noisy and adverse conditions.

Must be able to choose battles and stick to your guns.must be able to withstand criticism such as :”You know nothing!”

Must be be able to take being hated at least temporarily because someone desperately needed $5 to go somewhere.

Must be willing to bite your tongue repeatedly.

Must have the  physical stamina of a pack horse and able to go from zero to 60kph in 60 seconds in case this time the screams from the backyard  are not just someone crying “wolf” and are really hurt.

Must have the ability to survive sleep deprivation, and willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repairs, mysterious sluggish toilets, stuck zippers..

Must be able to coordinate production of several homework projects at the same time.

Must have the ability to plan and organise social gatherings for clients of all ages.

 Must be  willing to be indispensable one minute and an embarrassment the next.

Must have diverse knowledge base to answer questions such as ” “when the world spins round why doesn’t the water fall out?”

 Must be able to hope for the best at all times but always be prepared for the worst.

 Must also be prepared to work as maintenance and groundsman throughout the work place.


 PROMOTION POSSIBILITIES

Virtually None!

Your job is to remain in the same position for years without complaint, constantly update your skills,so those in your charge will ultimately surpass you.


PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE


None required, unfortunately. On the job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.


WAGES AND COMPENSATION


You pay them, offering frequent raises and bonuses.

 When you die you give them whatever is left.

The oddest thing  about this reverse- salary scheme is that you actually enjoy and wish you had more.


BENEFITS



No dental or health insurance,

no pension,

non- reimbursement tuition,

no paid holidays,

no stock options,

However the job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.


On Mother’s Day, as on any day, love doesn’t take a day off. It rejoices every day at another chance to show itself to everyone.

 THANK YOU MUM!


Happy Mother’s Day!

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